Horrified And Scared After Windsor Break-In


A MANIAC has decided it would be a good idea to dress up as a priest and break-in to Victoria Barracks near Windsor Castle. The man allegedly spent his evening eating and drinking with the Royal Guardsman before being offered a bed for the night - and he did this all without showing any documents or identification. The incident took place on April 27th, just one day after The Queen’s 96th birthday. 

Under the alias Father Cruise, the intruder entertained the guardsmen with entertaining stories and ‘banter’. He was even offered BREAKFAST the next morning before the alarm was finally raised and Thames Valley Police escorted him from the premises. Earlier that day, he had tried to con a pub landlord into a free meal by claiming he was a personal friend of Prince Harry - a statement that is, in my opinion, not worth bragging about regardless of whether it’s fact or fiction. 


Absolute Disgrace

If you ask me, it’s nothing short of a disgrace that the man was allowed to meander through the walls of one of our finest castles and so close to the home of our dear Queen. I have to admit, my heart was in my mouth when I heard of the break-in and I worried for the safety of Her Majesty. It’s a shame I wasn’t there, as I would have happily thrown my own body (and life) on the line with only a moment’s notice. 

What’s even worse is that the man will not be prosecuted or receive any form of scrutiny. Yes, he didn’t enter Windsor Castle, but the very principle of breaking into a Royal institution is, for me, bad enough to warrant a severe punishment. For all we all knew, this ‘Father Cruise’ could’ve been 2022’s answer to Guy Fawkes and threatened the very security of this country. 

We can thank our stars that The Queen was at Sandringham Castle at the time and, therefore, would have been blissfully unaware of the incident as it happened. An Army spokesperson stated ‘’The Army takes this breach of security extremely seriously and it will be thoroughly investigated as a matter of priority.’’

The Sue Gray Report Showcases British Transparency

The Sue Gray Report Showcases British Transparency

Careless By The Army

Too little, too late. I was horrified and scared upon learning of the incident, but those feelings eventually gave way to deep-seated anger toward The Army for carelessly letting this offender so close to Windsor Castle. 

Luckily, the criminal seemed benign and harmless, but that’s not the point. It’s a matter of principle for me, and that’s why I was so distraught over this for so long. His date of choice, April 27th, is nothing short of sick, too, as that week was supposed to be about celebrating Her Majesty and about causing public disorder.

Nothing Wrong With Buying Value Brands When Things Get Tough

Nothing Wrong With Buying Value Brands When Things Get Tough

I Will Be The Royal Security Detail!

If the Royal Family is considering hiring new security staff, then I’d like to be the first one to volunteer. I’ll even do it for free. It means I get to live out every British man’s dream of defending The Crown. I may not be as young as I used to be, but my passion for protecting Her Majesty has only gotten stronger over time. 

I’ve had to take a long walk around my estate to cool off from this situation. The fact that The Coldstream Guards, the very establishment designed to protect The Royals, were so easily bypassed is extremely worrying. This time it was the non-threatening Father Cruise, but next time an unwanted visitor shows up to Windsor they could very well have more sinister intentions. 

I sincerely hope that The Coldstream Barracks bucks their ideas up and quells any future attempts of Royal break-ins with the most severe of punishments.



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